release day jitters

my new song ‘cuz of you’ with cyn is out and you’ll never guess what inspired the lyrics. releasing music is somewhat of a complicated endeavour these days for my brain. part of me is proud the music is out, getting it to the state where i know it’s ready to be released. i’m hyped on that. i love the record. 

the other half feels stressed that more could be done to promote it, to get it out there. and then of course if the outcome isn’t as expected (spoiler alert… it never is lol), then the worst part of my brain attributes that to something being wrong with the production, or the video we made to announce it, or the week we released it, or the chapter concept, or if it was raining that day…. 

it’s an infinite list. and the sad thing is, i don’t even know the outcome i want sometimes. it’s a mirage. even worse, i know working in an ‘outcome’ headspace is essentially creative pesticide. it kills all current and future creativity. dead. kaput.

i think release day numbers are very similar to when you send something immediately after finishing it to someone else. you’re excited, you love it, you’re ignited with possibility, and mostly, it’s fun, then they respond “yea it’s not bad but…” and then all of that vanishes. they rob you of that moment (and unintentionally too!). i think stats do the same thing. i’ve never met an artist who isn’t excited that their song is coming out, but i’ve met many who are let down 3 days later. the sad thing is, the song hasn’t changed. it’s still great. you should still love it.

thats the goal. the work getting better. so that the music gets better. everything else is just noise. 

process > outcome.

(easier said than done.)

-felix

ps: cuz of you is part of chapter i (1 of a few i’m releasing this year)