a love / hate relationship

I suppose that’s why I like music. At its best it’s extremely rewarding. At its worst it exposes all the insecurities I have. Any lack of self-esteem is brought out by a piss-poor day in the studio. Magnified really. 

“Love what you do and you never have to work a day in your life.” I guess that’s true in a sense, but it conveniently neglects the days that it’s hard. Sometimes I go back and listen to a random song from my catalog and it’ll break me, it’ll all feel insignificant. Another day I can feel really proud of the work I’ve done. It’s such a tee-tottering mindfuck. Having a body of work feels better than nothing at all. But sometimes I think, have I rushed things? Have i put out things that shouldn’t have been released? Or were they all necessary stepping stones to the artist I’m becoming? Who knows. Can’t dwell on the past anyway.

I’m working on a lot of new music. I’ve essentially been remixing my own songs. Taking bits of pieces of old things I’ve written, re-imagining them. Verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge structure just seems so utterly boring to me. Feels like when I write that way I’m falling back on what’s easy, instead of challenging myself to make something I would actually enjoy listening to. I feel on the precipice of finding a new vibe for this next batch of tunes. It’s like an oasis in the distance, I can see it, but i’m not fully sure it’s real. Guess we’ll see.

Anyway, back to the studio.

-felix