I Didn’t Do Enough Today

(…but I probably did.)

I escaped the city for 4 nights to the Sunshine Coast. It’s just far enough that it feels like you’re away, but not so far that it’s a pain to get to. I like the calmness of the world outside of the city. You don’t realize how crowded it is in a city until you come back to it. I guess I would describe myself as a ‘city person’ and because of that, I have a ‘city mind.’ (A term I came up with just now.) I feel like my mind is like the city that I live in. Crowded and unorganized, but also productive and exciting. I don’t know if being away from the city helps brings organization to my thoughts, but I guess the fact that it makes me reflect on the organization of my thoughts is at least a start. 

Anyway, my new thing — and by new thing, I mean my thing for the last 15 years — is feeling like I never do enough each day. I put up a screenshot of googling this feeling on my story the other day and had a lot of sympathetic responses. I think that makes sense. I think we’re all a bit fragmented in an over-connected world. (As trite as that sounds.) I know I feel it. Maybe it's not specific to my generation though, maybe it's human nature.

As I get older the idea of solving these things has sort of faded and living with them seems more realistic. Similar to how searching for ‘happiness all the time’ seems a bit futile to me, because the full range of human emotion is necessary and what makes people interesting. You just need to learn to manage the extreme ends of it so you’re not batshit crazy. 

Because my work is essentially my hobby, I do find taking a break to be a challenge. But on the flip side I'm extremely grateful my work is also my hobby. People often tell me to take a vacation, but when I think of not working on music for 3 weeks, that doesn’t sound enjoyable to me. Aren't vacations supposed to be enjoyable? Dividing music creation into ‘work’ and ‘play' has been helpful. Finishing things feels like work, but playing around, making something for the sake of making something, can be freeing. 

Maybe scheduling those days is the key to balance. 

But what is balance? I always feel like balance is someone else telling me their version of balance, and I hate to break it to you bro, but I ain’t you! Who knows.

I did get a bit of music done on the coast. This one vocal melody had been bothering me in a song I was working on for about... 6 months. Sounds wild. But I tweaked it and now I think it's working. Sometimes it's a slog and sometimes it comes quickly. No one knows how the brush strokes were put on the canvas though. They only see the finished painting.

My sunset remix album is coming out at the end of the month.
The album is called Into Sunsets.
The music is a collection of 4 years worth of work, with unreleased music as well.
I’m proud of how cohesive it feels.
If you can take the time for a quick pre-save, I really appreciate it.

Thank you,
-felix
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